its beginning to look a lot like christmas


So if you’re wondering why Darnley’s not been posting a lot… He’s been living the dream.

What the fuck fucker fuck did you just fucking say about fucking ME, you little cuuuuueaHI\HEDSFnt?!?!?!?!?!???????????!!!!!!11? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the moray college, now we’re nae in the business of hanin’ oot calculators in this FUCKING classroom, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, Pythagoras, and lets nae even go intae how many confirmed kills i’ve fucken got. Fuck yer “Gorrilla warfare” shit i took out the whole fucking USA army with my fucking tie and a pencil that I bought for twenty fucken pence out of my own fucking cupboard. You are nothing to me but just another little slab of fucking meat I could rip a hole in and fuck. I will wipe you the fuck out and it’ll be like that little fucker tazmanian devil, like there’ll just be a weird fuckin circle and afore ye know it yer in fifty fuckin pieces and fallin’ over the side of a boat in the middle of the fuckin pacific ocean which is salty because of my fucking jizz and the tears of happy little dolphins that I raped. The likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of maths teachers across the universe and your calculator is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, fucking faaaaaaaaaaaggot. The weird fucking tazmanian devil storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your asshole. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 100000000000000000000’s ways, wanna know how? ‘Cause I’m a fuckin maths teacher, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of maths utilities and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Lossie high register, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. 

So in short, no, ye fuckin cannae borrow a fucking pencil ya dick.